Comtemplation from June 2008 to December 2009

Watch out, bad grammar and crappy stuff ahead!

2009 is bidding adieu to me. This year I hasn't really set a resolution because I was afraid. Afraid of failing again just like what I did in A-level. 2008 June, I got my A-level result. Of course it's not a result I wanted but I knew it's the result I deserved. Poor proficiency of English and lack of revision were the reason of why I got such bad result. I lost my confidence and it's a blow to my hope of going to better education system, specifically saying I lost a passport to scholarship, be it from local or oversea Universities. Seeing friends continued their study one by one while I was stucked in nowhere but working with my uncle in accountancy office, I felt worthless. Especially after I heard news from AIA that I did not get the scholarship, I felt sucked double.

Working 8.30am-5.30pm ain't that bad, it's a mix blessing. I could not get to study at that time but I got to learn a lot from working. Due to the nature of the job, it's systematic. I learnt to be neat and tidy. I learnt to be responsible. I think these help me largely in doing my assignment. Despite the experience, I hadn't felt good actually. I was depressed but I didn't have way to express. The only way to express it was to write diary. I cried few times inside the bedroom and I tried not to let Uncle and Aunt know ( I lived in their house that time). They love me of course I know, just that it's a huge disappointment to me of not getting the scholarship and study. It's like I was not on the track, I lost track of life. I was supposed to dive in the ocean of knowledge, but I didn't. I felt useless, doubted my ability, thought I was no good at all because I screwed my A-level and didn't get the scholarship.

Time passed fast, 2008 it's behind my back and I was enrolled into UTAR, the not-so-satisfied university to me because their psychology is still new, I was afraid they couldn't give me what I wanted enough. But at that time I told myself, it's fine even if UTAR was really not that good, I would still learn whole-heartedly and appreciate what I got currently. And I did that in 2009, found out life has given me a lot throughout the year.

I got friendship (you know who you are darlings! ^_^) ,

I got awesome experience of joining activities (drama and choir),

I got to learn new thing (miscellaneous things, haha, I myself don't know what),

and most importantly,

I don't feel that bad about my academic performance anymore due to considered-quite-good CGPA. (Keep it on!)

Of course, academic wise UTAR is not that really that good. But I still can bear with them because they are still new!

2009, a year of richness, appreciation and discovery. I know life has yet much to give to me, it's up to me to explore and dig out them. Metaphorically, if 2008 is a stumbling block, then 2009 has turned it into stepping stone, rendering me standing higher. Well, I guess that's life!

With love,

Nathan

PS: It's been a long time I used English to write my blog.